This the second film in the franchise begun by Ice Cube—family-fare films with normal, everyday issues (such as the road trip in Are We There Yet?, or a house remodel this time out) that inspire the family to learn to get along. In this latest offering, the family is portrayed by four extremely attractive people with extremely poor comedic timing. I would even venture to say that they can’t act either. This is a film in which there is only one real actor in the movie (John McGinley as Chuck), and he acts too much. The film is “based on” (but not to be compared to) Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House with Cary Grant. Hm. I guess they do share one similarity—both are films.

This particular film might have worked as a pantomime or an art piece, one in which the characters don’t speak but wear signs around their necks that declare their mood, since these actors don’t have facial expressions. The speaking parts, likewise, are hopelessly lame. I would characterize this movie as a sitcom, rather than an artistic ensemble of cast members: each character gets a close-up and a one-liner. The comedic timing is so poor, though, that the editor should have gotten combat pay. I think an alternate title could reasonably be, Is the Movie Done Yet?

I don’t believe most things in film happen by accident. Once in a while the continuity guy doesn’t show up for work, but all in all, a film is made with a minimum of contextual problems—which is why I think this movie is bad on purpose. There is no real continuity in the film. No life, no movement, no presence. The lines are insufferably dull and predictable. Dialogue is delivered from the side of the mouth, waiting for the rim shot to let us know there was a punchline. Ba-duh bump. The obligatory changes of heart come because there are only twenty minutes left of the movie.

The film follows the Persons family, recently formed when Nick married Suzanne, who is the mother of Lindsey and Kevin. Nick decides they need to move from the big city of Portland to the country for fresh air, fishing, and small town appeal, with a bigger house. After all, he needs his space to develop his sports magazine. Suzanne agrees, then disagrees, then agrees again with reservations, then without reservations, then becomes a full-fledged evangelist for the project—for a while.

As a reviewer, I see lots of films. Not many are this bad. While waiting for this movie to end I longed for something more intellectually stimulating, like Baby Einstein. This is a work that will most likely go straight to Saturday afternoons on the Disney Channel. The dialogue is so predictable and banal it is painful. The one (single) scene that surprised me, though, was one in which Nick tries to befriend a little chipmunk. The dialogue leads you to believe that the chipmunk will do something “unexpected,” but something else happens. I won’t say what, but it got a big laugh from the fifth-graders populating the advance screening audience. My thought here was that a guest director or writer came by the studio and threw a bone to the otherwise writer’s-blocked creative team. The scene was uncharacteristically fresh.

I don’t mean to offend anyone who might have thrown themselves into this movie. But when a movie is made for family viewing, why is it that no one sees fit to challenge the whole family intellectually? Family movies should be more than something that parents merely tolerate so their three-year-old can watch animals do funny things to people. I would wait for this movie to come out on DVD or Gameboy, then use it to mesmerize the kids so the babysitter can do his or her homework while Mom and Dad go watch a real movie.

Despite the obvious preteen target market, Are We Done Yet? is rated PG “for some innuendos and brief language.” There is some suggestive language that no doubt all kids have heard. The problem is these kids don’t flinch for anything. They just laugh at pratfalls. Big, overdone, fakey laughs. You know, the kind where they laugh with their mouths, but not with their eyes? And your kids have seen worse language (and better acting) on prime time TV (by Elmo)! One note: Ice Cube and company are to be commended for trying to build positive viewing for families. And despite my displeasure with this film, the audience that viewed this promotional screening for free was laughing. (Although… they may have just wanted to laugh and could tell when they were supposed to…)

Courtesy of a local publicist, Mike attended a promotional screening of Are We Done Yet?